Reminiscence

2009-01-22T09:36:00.003+08:00

Hello world! (:

Junhua doesnt want to take care of me anymore, I'm abandoned and miserable. I cry to sleep every night, and dust collects on my beautiful castle. Such a pity. Castles should be well maintained so that it can shine and sparkle in its full splendor.

Ohhhhh, my love!
My Junhua!
When will you come back for me?

Love,
Junhua's blog

Disclaimer: The above is strictly not on behalf of Junhua. Elle chéri ordinateur invaded par l'eileenartians a 9 h 00 a 22 Janvier 2009.

2008-10-31T02:46:00.000+08:00

i just wish people would stop being so unrealistic.

2008-10-20T09:45:00.001+08:00

sometimes i feel like garfield.

2008-10-02T19:51:00.001+08:00

i miss how whimsical and irrational you can be in art.

2008-09-19T15:59:00.003+08:00

19th sep is the start of a terrible day for me.

i had to run away from someone who was so persistent in telling me ghost stories,
and i only realized i lost my keys after i got back to hall (so coincidentally, roomie had to be home on that night.),
so i had to walk up to the 5th floor to bunk with peiyu (thanks for accommodating me),
when i tripped and fell on the steps.

its been a long day. but the night is worth looking forward to. coz i'll be going berkelah with atc! =) and pray that the ophir trauma doesn't repeat itself. seriously seriously.

2008-09-15T21:09:00.005+08:00

thankyou(s)! (:

2008-09-13T01:28:00.003+08:00

hmm maybe i should put in more effort in persuading my client to accept my ideas than simply complying to his every nitty gritty request. but how should i go about doing it if i don't even want to speak to him. what a detestable process.

2008-09-12T23:22:00.003+08:00

i must have been a real bastard this past week. especially to my roomie. i'm so sorry for all the crazy mood swings i've been getting into. must have made you feel stressed out too. but thanks for being so understanding. love u (:

you have no idea how glad i am that the week is finally over. i've been dreading it since last week. and i must say that it's been the worst week ever since school started. to give you an idea, i had french test in the morning, then assessed speech presentation (which i only got to rehearse this morning), and then marketing presentation. but looking back, i did had some perks here and there. like outfield recording at timbre on wed, webcamming with shum in between lectures, chatting with shijia over the phone (though it was a terrible terrible night).

but i'm glad its over. (:

2008-09-11T00:46:00.003+08:00

guess where i took this. no prizes for being smart though.

the day was bleak but the night was dazzling.

2008-09-10T13:48:00.003+08:00

dang! family day at sentosa on sat. and now i have to pay for the entrance fee =( no more cool staff pass.

and yea i've finally quitted the islandlife girl title. a teeny weeny tinge of reluctance, but a sense of liberation as well. at least i don't have to feel guilty anymore for trying to concoct excuses every week. and i don't have to dread the weekends. though a little less on my income, but i guess freedom is definitely better than cash.

the day i returned my uniform turned out better than i expected. i definitely didn't see any soap opera kind of emotional departure coming, probably just a goodbye and thats all. but stepping into the familiar shop once more did send a little chill down my spine. and when the cleaner, whom i used to see every morning, called out for me while i was on my way back to the monorail station, i found myself lost for words. and then i broke into a smile that sustained for at least half a day. i've not expected anyone to recognize me out of my uniform, much less someone whom i've not even conducted a proper conversation with before. and to pass on words of concern is out of the picture. maybe there's much more warmth on the island than i've seen and heard.

i'll miss it every now and then. it is afterall the first job that i've stuck with the longest. 6 months, thats 1/2 a year. and i think that it really is quite long.

2008-09-10T02:16:00.003+08:00

sometimes the problem with catching up is that you forget where you last left it hanging. meeting not too frequently becomes a hassle. sometimes you become too lazy to fill in all the blanks you just let the conversation commit suicide. it takes real patience and telepathy to perfect a conversation between two people who are living in totally different worlds. sometimes you come across one that just doesn't seem to work out. and sometimes its good to give up early.

i am being very pessimistic today.

2008-09-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my darling niece TRISHA! who turns ONE YEAR OLD today! (:

may you be blessed all your life.

2008-09-08T23:30:00.001+08:00

2008-09-02T22:48:00.002+08:00

after weeks of turmoil and self-torture, stressing myself with schoolwork, i'm back in the 'aye wadeva just let me slack mood' again. haha its not a bad thing really. i sleep more soundly.

2008-09-02T09:37:00.000+08:00

looking fwd to odac trip. and i miss ophir!

2008-08-28T09:32:00.003+08:00

ok just got humiliated in lecture coz me n partner decided to ignore the instructions to communicate with each other. i was in a dire need for sleep and she was engrossed in youtubing her dances. and dear professeur vivien just so timely deicides to interview us. and my partner oh so bravely proclaimed tt she forgot what she said. -.- oh well...every well-balanced and substantiated study needs a negative example.

haha. so cool.

its very interesting observing people's laptop's screens from behind. the kind of websites they surf sort of gives you a perception of their personality. haha. communications.

oh yes she just hit my jackpot.
lack of effort and energy can reduce effectiveness of listening. i lack slp and my stomach is growling. so its not actually my fault that i can't brg myself to pay attention. its theorized that i am unable to pay attention.

2008-08-28T08:08:00.000+08:00

Being the first crazy soul to reach school on a rainy morning while the rest of the world is still snuggled under their blankets isn’t such a bad thing actually. Sipping a cup of hot milo, chilling out alone with my mac and ipod in an empty CS compound is quite an experience. For once I get to hear silence in a place that’s always bustling with noise and vibrancy.

I’ve not stayed up through the night for quite some time, more so with oac. And I’m glad age hasn’t got to me yet. Hah. At least I’m still conscious (though sub-consciously brain dead) and able to act coherently. But I forsee my reserves running dry some time later. And probably (hopefully not) I’ll start spouting nonsense.

Its such a wonderful moment with myself right now I wish 8am wouldn’t come so soon so people won’t start barging into my tranquility.

2008-08-25T01:34:00.004+08:00

i think this photo is hilarious! look at hongwei! omg he thinks he just came out from the water and NEEDS to act cool.

hehe and i like this photo (:

this has been a good weekend, though i didn't get to study at all. which was what i was intending to do when i left school on friday. but home's too comfortable and definitely not conducive for mugging. oh well...at least i caught up with people i cherish a lot. (:

i should stop being so panicky. i would have just collapsed on my bed at this time of the day if it were last year. would not have even cared about sch the next day. that is quite a bad example and i should be glad i got out of that idleness. but i really need to learn how to RELAXXXX. being on ur toes 24/7 is nerve-wrecking. however, there's one thing i still don't understand. why adults always tell us uni's the most relaxed time of their schooling years. =S

2008-08-24T14:57:00.000+08:00

ooo i didn't know the word 'spam' really originated frm

2008-08-10T12:26:00.002+08:00

i duno why i got a little emotional while watching the olympics, particularly the gymnastics section. a special commendation to He Kexin representing China in gymnastics. i give my utmost salutation. she was really impressive on her first few stunts on the high bar, and hopes were definitely high on her. but just as the world fixed their eyes on her, she lost her grip as she went on to the lower bar. a fall that did not just implicate physical pain, but more so a psychologically tormenting one. i felt my heart plunge, not to say the involved party. she must have felt the world crashing down on her. at that point, a pick-up was necessary and she did pull herself to continue with the routine. a trained olympiad no doubt, but having to go through such stress and to muster such courage at such a tender age of 14, i would say that a standing ovation was not enough to display my respect for her. it was a heart-wrenching moment as she completed her circuit and landed with perfect footing, accompanied by a look of relief and disappointment on her face. her score was a mid-high 15.75, taking into consideration that she did make a major mistake of falling from the bar. but the disappointment of not having achieved self-expectation is something i feel for. in this competitive world, its not solely about how hard you're willing to strive, but about relative opportunities as well. who knows when another impossible competitor would come by and *poof* goes her chances of achieving world's best.

thinking about what i might have achieved two years ago if i had cherished the chance to take part in National Arts Competition. i might have felt ridiculed on stage, but it would be an experience that would never come by again. there's too many chances i've stupidly let go of. i think its time i reconsider my strategies in life. i don't want to stay an unachiever.

2008-08-08T22:33:00.003+08:00

i'm such a loser, as roomie puts it, to fall down in front of canteen B during lunch hour and to lose my voice on the 4th day of school. its a sign, probably that i need to take better care of myself. i think the last time i felt so handicapped after a fall was probably the time i rolled down the brick hill in ubin. the wound is disgusting but i can't help but stare at it, as if eye power would seal the crack. =S

i can't make a sound even when it hurts. people have given up talking to me. and i can't really move around. so i just sit there watch time tick past. and time does pass by very quickly when i'm home. i wonder why. time in ntu is somehow excruciatingly slow. the idea of sleeping, eating, studying, playing, walking, running, transiting within the same campus day in day out has become quite disturbing. i know the campus is big and i've actually gotten lost almost every day, but the longest bus ride i've taken is around 15mins. i remember when we were slogging our hearts out in sch last yr for our aep coursework, we pleaded with the teachers to let us camp overnight, when the deadline was about a month away. but ms kee insistently refused, saying that we shouldn't work and sleep in the same place for a prolonged period, for relaxation will soon make no difference from working and its bad for health. now i see her point. i feel suffocated.

but thanks to roomie for our frivolous obsessions and deep talks (: and fungg for the many lunch meets (: and many people who put a smile on my face every day (: life has become so much easier to get by. i hope i'll never run out of things to look forward to.

2008-07-31T22:54:00.002+08:00

skip the formalities of reviving a blog.

just checked out my courses under the ntu edventure net. its some student service web, like ivle. and i thought that would be the furthest i would go in finding out more about my coming school term, which i am rather reluctant to acknowledge. huiying just reminded me that we had an 8mth break and i couldn't recall how i've utilised, or rather, wasted my past half yr and 2 mths away. frankly speaking, i wished i had idled more and not slogged my 5 days of a week away in the office doing accounting. its a complicated issue. but i'm glad i pulled myself out of it quick enough to salvage my then disintegrating mental health.

i felt quite repulsive when i heard from fungg that one of her lecturers has already uploaded notes onto the net even before school term has started proper. i'm still feeling really unprepared for the impending. partly coz i duno what to expect and partly coz i've forgotten what it's like to flip pages through the night with trembling hands and squinted eyes, and still behave energetically for the rest of the week. but point is, when i nonchalantly scrolled through one of the slides uploaded for my course just now, i thought i felt the mugger spirit surge through me. i know that sounds disgusting, but haha. i have the sudden urge to start picking up my highlighters again. maybe i'll even start re-reading my art notes later.

hopefully things won't turn out as bad as i think. and i'm thankful for having an overly efficient and organized roomie (: thinking about moving in may be vexing but i must confess that it is quite exciting! we'll be getting a fridge and rice-cooker tmr! ((:

2008-06-24T00:31:00.002+08:00

today a colleage told me one would not think of quitting sentosa unless one has decided to move on with life. quite true. though i'm not quite satisfied with the management, but the experience of working by the beach is really one you can't get elsewhere in singapore. somehow i feel proud to be a staff of sentosa, to don the uniform and roam the island like its my home. even the number of smiles you get double when you're in that orange piece of cloth. instead of putting friendliness across as an obligation, i'd rather say that its become a habit, though it does get tiring sometimes having to smile at everyone you meet.

With generosity from Samundar's Bar

it feels like family, even if you may not know each other that well. i'm gonna miss it when i have to leave it and carry on with life someday. but till then, sentosa shall be on my list of favourite hangouts.

2008-06-17T00:13:00.002+08:00

not really looking fwd to start of a new semester. thats so much procedures and paperwork to go through before i can finally get settled down again. the thought just irks me. sigh..why can't things get simpler.

but at least there's taiwan trip to look fwd to! =)

2008-06-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

i was never so cynical about friendship refresher courses.

2008-05-31T03:05:00.003+08:00

人最挥霍的就是时间。

不是金钱，不是资源，是时间。因为时间就是一切的来源于希望。

人的一生有限，不知随时会发生意外而窒息。就算侥幸活下，也有可能生不如死。这么说来，我们应该好好把握每分每秒，把人生过的充足快乐。但随着岁月的增加，我看见身边的人越来越忙碌。自己也变成了‘忙碌族’ 的一份子。这是选择还是规律。如果有的选，我会继续一生操劳下去吗? 那听起来好像是把时间败给了习惯。就因为有勇无谋，而不敢脱离全世界的节拍。

散漫的生活是种享受。过一天，算一天的日子在我生命中不易得来，算是种奢侈。能够天天做自己想要做的东西算是珍惜时间吧？但无限的散漫想起来又好像是懒散。这到底是不求上进，还是令人羡慕的生活？

人总是在失去后才珍惜。所以才会有‘后悔’这词的诞生。要怎么过，才不算挥霍呢？

2008-05-30T22:51:00.002+08:00

i hate it i hate it i hate it when i'm hounded for things i detest doing, for things i love to take my time to accomplish. i hate it when you rob the fun out of the things i enjoy most. at that point in time, you are my enemy. and i will not hesitate to throw darts at you should you break the last straw.

i hate the feeling of wanting to get it over and done with yet am helpless coz the software expires. the software always gives up on me at the most crucial moment. it has something against me.

i read what i just wrote and i feel so childish, so rebellious, so brainless, so spoilt. but i'm 18 and i will cherish every chance i have to throw tantrums, be unreasonable before my life ends when i cross 20.

2008-05-25T23:02:00.004+08:00

there are many instances in life when people whom you've forgotten for quite a while make a surprise appearance in your life all of a sudden. some are those who will brighten up your day; while some may make you feel like a loser for not having put enough effort into maintaining a potential friendship.

i've had many such encounters this year, and thrice this week. two of which i graciously greeted with a megawatt smile, and one which i chose to walk away like a passerby after hesitating for a split second. walking away may be easy, but sometimes it requires more courage to face the loser guilt in you after you chose to ignore, than to walk up and acknowledge your friend.

what is this called? trickery of fate or sheer luck. its something i don't really understand. why we can pray so hard for something and not get it and when we stop asking for it, it comes to us. like how i hope so hard to meet some people and yet not see a single trace of them. and when i stop asking for their appearance, they start to appear.

2008-05-25T04:12:00.003+08:00

天空中的气球总是特别耀眼
背后的蓝天但愿你有天发现

气球只是渐渐消失的小点，
而天空却是辽阔的一片。

善于嬗变，
却永恒不变。

2008-05-23T15:42:00.003+08:00

温柔
五月天

走在風中　今天陽光　突然好溫柔
天的溫柔　地的溫柔　像你抱著我
然後發現　你的改變　孤單的今後
如果冷　該怎麼渡過

天邊風光　身邊的我　都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什麼　我從來都不懂
沒有關係　你的世界　就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔

不知道　不明瞭　不想要
為什麼　我的心
明明是想靠近　卻孤單到黎明
不知道　不明瞭　不想要
為什麼　我的心
那愛情的綺麗　總是在孤單裡
再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺　不情不愿　又到巷子口
我沒有哭　也沒有笑　因為這是夢
沒有預兆　沒有理由　你真的有說過
如果有　就讓你自由

自由
這是我的溫柔 (x4)
讓你自由

听到自己喜欢的歌, 心情也开朗了.

2008-05-23T13:18:00.001+08:00

there's no free lunch in this world. i didn't have to pay money for my lunch but i had to sit through a stifling 1 hr BREAK with my boss. -.-

2008-05-18T02:40:00.000+08:00

this will always be one of my favourite sky watching spots in singapore.

and this is a new hideout i discovered.

2008-05-18T01:19:00.002+08:00

i think its called 职业病. now even when i'm not in uniform, i feel obliged to answer queries whenever i'm in the shop and smile at guests while i'm walking arnd the island. just can't get the feeling that i'm there solely for leisure purposes. hah weird.

2008-05-17T00:42:00.003+08:00

haven't seen this sky in a long time. no actually i've been seeing the same sky everyday, its just this place, this angle, this minute and second that makes everything different.

in case you didn't know, i'm quite an avid lover of beautiful skies. the funny thing is that i seem to always find it beautiful. be it the inspiring sunrise that infiltrates my morning with hope, the azure blue dotted with fluffy cotton clouds that provides cooling comfort to the scorching midday, the sunset that dyes everything else orange, or the dark night that draws me into its mystery; i'm always amazed by the deep solace i find in it. calms me like i've always been part of it. maybe i will return to it as dust after i die, and i can heal the restlessness in others like it did in me. but i wonder how long the skies will stay visible, for it has always provided the most truthful reflection of happenings on earth.

and i wonder how long more i can admire that scene above. its actually taken at chinese garden at 7plus while i was on my way home from work. used to be part of my daily weekday routine as i get home from school and i will just be in time to see the sky change its hue. but i realised i've done that less than 10 times this year since work started. i'll either be home after nightfall, or too early to catch the sunset. that was just one of the days when i got lucky.

though the talk about development of the jurong lake district into a leisure park has stirred excitement among many, i've taken a different stand to it. call me stupid, call me stubborn and shortsighted, but all i wish to preserve is the symbolic haphazardness of the greenery that seems to be the only thing that breathes live amidst its surrounding concrete that punctuate the sky. i've often seen and heard unimpressed responses from people whenever the word jurong is mentioned. apart from the factories that churn pollutants, they think the rest of jurong is shrouded in grey skies and surrounded by marshes. i agree to a certain degree that the industrial area has indeed increased the acidity of the air in jurong a notch more than other areas, but what i have lived to love in my favourite hometown is the naturalness of its greenwalks that stands out from man-made parks. yes, i'm sure efforts to preserve the greens will be part of the development plans, but with trees planted in regimental rows, i'm sure they'll look more like intimidating soldiers in smart4.

i shall count my blessings before the jurong lake gets lit with bright lights and swarmed with people, like any other part of the island. maybe they'll incorporate a change of name into the package as well. orchard no.4 maybe?

2008-05-16T22:44:00.003+08:00

when meeting up becomes a chore and having to forcibly strike a conversation becomes a stressful activity, i think its better to let nature take its course. i'm still pondering if i shd make an appearance. not that it would matter that much anyway. sigh..i never really expected myself to be the first to step out of that circle when i was obssessively involved. actually it isn't that bad all the time, catching up can be quite heartwarming sometimes, but the journey before the meet up, when i start thinking about what smile to wear, what greetings to say, can seize me to death. it becomes so patronizing.

2008-05-15T23:23:00.005+08:00

i can feel my streak of bad luck coming back. after having abstained myself from major/minor accidents for at least half a yr, i thought i've finally learnt to take better care of myself. until i started tripping and falling like a weekly routine again recently. i feel down twice this week, once on my right knee and once on my left. so now both my knees are equally bruised and fun to poke for a painfully electrifying experience.

maybe its coz i'm back at tiong bahru, the source of my accident-prone streak. it all started on a fateful night while we were out on our faithful bikes in an attempt to conquer the impending fatalities.

in case you didn't know, i've been working at tiong bahru for the past mth and i walk pass the tiong bahru park, where we had our water break during bike hike last yr, every day. my colleagues must be wondering why i always turn and smile at the trees everytime i walk past the place.

and so does having the tiong bahru cc in the vicinity of my workplace assert great temptation to revisit the place where we once took our funeral photos. but it wasn't until today that i attempted locating the not very insignificant building. and yes i got lost again. but that aside, being back at the alley almost two years later does soak me up with memories.

the place hasn't changed much, but i'm sure it would be a different experience if we were to go on the same bike hike again. i'm not sure how different it will feel like, but i'll know soon. the next bike hike is coming and its time to rekindle my love for the city at night!

2008-05-14T15:44:00.003+08:00

one of the silly things that i do to spice up my day at work is to send in a dedication to the radio station or a simple sms to request for my favourite song. strangely, i get more hyped up hearing my favourite song broadcasted on air than simply hearing it on my own mp3 player. unlike listening to your mp3, where most of the songs on your playlist have already been filtered to your own liking, listening to the radio provides you with a wide array of songs that may not always adhere to your taste. only occasionally do you come across one that fits your liking perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle. and so i feel a slight adrenalin rush when the song that i like is broadcasted and shared with a large audience. the feeling is equivalent to having your thoughts and ideas acknowledged and recognized by others. and also how rare encounters are more treasured than occurances that come and go to our calling.

2008-05-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY ATLANTIS '07 ANNIVERSARY! =DD

can't imagine how much time has passed since the last meeting we had furrowing our brows over atlantis plans. seemed not long ago, but 1 yr ago sounds pretty ancient to me. i remember the first half of last yr being the most fun-filled and exciting part of the year, with alternating bikehike and atlantis recees almost every weekend. tiring no doubt, but satisfying.

this year zoomed past faster than a flash flood. killed as much of my precious time as it would have to the lives of many in a flash flood. being out of school for 5 mths and i've already lost track of the major events that i used to look forward to during my school days. not until i went back for jnr's atlantis, that i realised how much they've grown. it was great listening to them talk about oac, coz it brings back memories. but i felt myself a little lost for words. like aaron implied how we are part of oac, yet it longer belongs to us.

met the 33rd student council at vivo today. they had the same shagged face i used to wear in sch almost every day last yr. just found out they alr stepped down. and it just dawned on me tt jnrs are nearing their last event soon. even they are going to retire soon. i feel old all of a sudden. its strange how i am used to assuming that i'm younger than most ppl in my workplace, and i get a shock when i find out that they're actually my age, or maybe even younger. i think its time i start taking up responsibilities seriously. school has had me sheltered for too long.

but i think of all the things i miss, school comes first.

2008-05-11T16:04:00.002+08:00

as my bro-in-law put it. this is a very 'awwww' moment. (:

2008-05-08T23:06:00.001+08:00

i'm finally hearing the beautiful sound of raindrops after a sizzling two week drought and i can't get anymore excited to snuggle under my blanket! =DD

2008-05-04T19:17:00.007+08:00

i've been wanting to note these down long ago, but never succeeded in getting my lazybones to start moving. and here's a short recap, before the waves of memory turn into foam and disappear.

there are many people i meet at work every day, but a particular few who etch a deep impression in my mind. these are people who have appreciated the efforts and passion i put into my work despite the gloomy clouds that cast darkness in my days sometimes; people who have stopped in their tracks to share interesting stories about their life or trip with me; people who have made my day by simply putting a smile across their face like they did on mine.

-the hot irish guy who was my first morale booster. haha. not only because he made an exotic eyecandy, but more so because he was the first guest who took the initiative to start a conversation with me, and the first guest who sympathised me for having to stand in the small hut the whole day.

-the norwegian lady who amiably shared her experiences and advices on backpacking with me. it was amazing how we could click right away and chatted for 30 mins straight. she even gave me her address and offered to help me out if i were to visit europe one day. but argh! i lost her namecard!!

-the korean businessman who was unbelievably polite and grateful towards me n my colleage's small gesture of kindness in helping him safekeep his luggage in the shop. he even bought us iced cold coke, which was the best thing you could ask for on a scorching hot day at the desert, and left us each 1000 won was souvenir. we were so touched we wanted to cry. hah.

-the sri lankan traveller on a vacation with his family. it was a pleasure being his verbal tourguide, sharing with him constituents of MY beautiful singapore. i've always wanted to bring a foreign friend around my island, and he made half my dream come true.

-most recently, the taiwanese backpacker who gave me the most truthful comments i've ever heard from a tourist. he didn't sing praises for singapore from top to bottom, but spoke from the bottom of his heart. words that were sincere but un-offensive. and i felt at ease sharing my opinions with him, without having to speak like i work for the STB. got a few useful tips on backpacking in taiwan too. kept them in mind and i make sure i make these places a must-see the next time i visit taiwan.

these are some of the little encounters at work that make sentosa such an interesting place to stay. some days may be mundane and the orchestrated sizzling of the sun may drone me to sleep, but some days i feel like i just did a little travel around the world.

i'm sure this list will keep getting longer...

2008-05-04T00:23:00.003+08:00

有時候，
聽聽以前的歌，
就好像房裡有人在撥橘子，
剎那間整個房間都是回憶的味道。

2008-04-27T01:57:00.004+08:00

my sanity-robbed saturday!

thats my little neice who's alr 8 mths. she looks different everytime i see her.

look at her poise! half-hearted gaze, pouty lips and sexy legs.

the madness steps in

my cam died for the third time since i gained ownership of it. this time i swear it has got nothing to do with my carelessness or rowdy treatment. in fact i have barely touched it for a few weeks. maybe it felt neglected and decided to go on a strike. -.-

but why did it have to die when there were so many picturesque moments just right before my eyes. i'm a greedy girl and when i can't capture everything i feel helpless. all i cld rely on was my w580i. cool phone with a lousy camera. =( but not having a camera has it benefits as well. it made me pay more attention to the actual event rather than busy myself with snapping non-stop. and maybe i would put in more effort in remembering every succulent detail rahter than depend overtly on fixed motions, which can only do so much to preserve the memory. what matters most is the experience there and then.

to sum it all up, mayday concert was a blast! its the first concert i've attended and i'm glad they made it so memorable and magical. i've always had a gd impression of their music, but not an ardent fan. this concert has heightened my respect for this band. they've totally knocked me over and swept me off my feet with their superb live performance, which sounds even better than their studio recordings, which sadly isn't the case for most artistes. everyone was practically dancing and jumping on their feet throughout the entire concert. apart from the 'ghost town' section where i was situated, where the audience would rather strain their neck to look at the screen when the stage is just right before them. people who didn't mind us standing up and blocking their view coz they'd rather stare at the screen -.-" but i'm glad our spirits weren't dampened coz of that. haha and i met my p4 tchr, again. she was just sitting behind me. how fortunate of me. =)

to think i once dropped the idea of going to the concert. thank goodness i heeded the devils and not the angels. i'll definitely go for the nxt once (:

2008-04-19T01:22:00.002+08:00

i had a very enjoyable discussion on garfield with the biggest garfield fan i know exists. and that made my day. hohoho (:

2008-04-17T01:19:00.004+08:00

my life's picking up pace again coz i've been rather busy lately. packed schedule and its hard to take a breather even during weekends. but i guess i am enjoying life. amidst all the hustle and bustle that constantly keeps me up and about. having something to do is still better than idling around.

so i've found a new job. and guess what. as an asst. ACCOUNTANT in an interior design firm. yess..MATHS!!! rawrrrr mr lee must be so proud of me, but he must be worrying for the company as much as i am afraid they'll go bankrupt under my hands. muahaha. started work there for a 2 weeks now and i shd say its pretty relaxing, but the ultimate challenge comes when the accountant takes her maternity leave in june and i'll take over her temporarily. horrors! i shall procrastinate that terrorizing thought for the time being and stick to having fun picking up a new skill. maybe i'll learn to exercise some financial control but i shall confess that it hasn't really taken much effect up till now. =/ btw i'm really amazed at how meticulous and fantabulous my mentor's memory is, even when her brain's currently functioning for two. she could remember almost all the 100 over projects the firm's handling and match the salesman to their respective project just by having a glance at the address of the job site.

oh did i mention that i'm transferred back to palawan in sentosa? i think i did. it made me realise how important HR is. but sometimes i just get so sick of having to accomodate to people i simply ignore their pesky behaviour. of course most people aren't like that. in fact there's only one. argh.

the past two consecutive tuesdays have been a feast upon the eyes for me. apparently mediacorp has been visiting sentosa on those two days, and how lucky of me to be working on those days, enabling me to indulge in a celebrity galore. but i only managed to take a photo with jessica liu. haha but gd enough. meeting them on two consecutive tuesdays already tells me lady luck is taking a turn back to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

weekends have been enjoyable, meeting up with ezoac. haha i havent heard of any other cliques that meet up so frequently. but its a gd sign, tt we're putting in effort to keep in touch. (: i think the outing at botanics was really fun. a long time since we've strolled tgt among the greenery. if only waikuan went, then it'd be full attendance for girls. haha.

oh and happy birthday tracee! (this is a very belated post on my blog) haha but i'm surprised we surprised you this time by not doing anything special. heh.

pleasant jtf outing. simply talking to them can give me abs. (:

2008-04-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

rahhh i hate transfers! why why why do i have to keep getting kicked arnd?

2008-03-29T13:07:00.002+08:00

self amusement is essential when you're stuck on fort siloso alone the entire aftn.

2008-03-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EZOAC! (:
its been a short 2 yrs. but i felt like i've been with you guys forever. the crazy things we do, the stupid things we crap about, ... there's too much to be said. and i'm looking fwd to more exciting yrs ahead. imagine our 32nd birthday! we'll be 51 years old by then! O.O oh man...so old. but i'm sure reminiscing abt our yl days will make us feel young (temporarily) again. haha ok i'm getting abit off-track.

3 cheers to long-lasting friendship! =)

2008-03-12T01:24:00.002+08:00

i was told today, 'The only way to survive in this two-faced world is to be a hypocrite yourself.'

the working arena is inconceivably dangerous, full of backstabbers and even outright assassinators. i can let myself into thinking that this person is not so bad afterall, as i just start to learn more through our little chats and polite exchanges. and the moment i leave my new found friend, i am bombarded with snide remarks on her hypocritical ways. there're so many arrows flying arnd i've lost my ability to differentiate between right and wrong. the only means of survival is to retreat into self-protection mode, which is to receive but not to emit. for i don't even know when i'll become the subject of criticism.

i'll try to avoid getting molded into one of society's war slaves, but i don't know how long i can last.

2008-03-10T23:42:00.001+08:00

i want a

2008-03-08T04:48:00.002+08:00

more than anything else, i'm glad to be back in sch, to be seeing the familiar faces again, and to feel so unrestricted and a slight tinge of excitement making last min impulsive decisions. its been long since i've felt so alive. alphabets don't really matter anymore.

2008-03-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

suddenly my heart's beating triple the usual speed. like tmr's the first day of As. no, worse. after my sim card started functioning again and a day's worth of well wishes started coming in i felt my blood gushing to my head. i don't think i'll be able to slp tonight. =S

2008-03-05T14:24:00.002+08:00

2008-03-03T20:08:00.001+08:00

the idiocy of some people. who can't differentiate less and more. or simply chose to ignore.

2008-03-02T23:28:00.003+08:00

ooo...i can't wait for yltc! haha looking at their timetable reminds me of the nights we spent piaing stupid proposals that were actually only a mean of self-protection. just refreshed myself with our yl timetable 07 and i'm amazed at how many versions of 'YLTC-TimetableforINSTRUCTORSwtf' there are. i miss it so much man! xinyi n i even thought abt setting up our own ops room this yr right nxt to the jnrs, but complete with surround system and xbox, while the jnrs mug away nxt door or return counts upstairs. muahaha. ok tt was just some idealistic fantasy. the jnrs must feel like they're suffering hell now, but i bet its gonna be fun.

its true i'd rather have oac stuff to keep myself busy than to be in this idle state i am right now. compared to the past two years, the start of this year has been much less exciting and much more toned down. :(

i realised we din take a proper grp photo during yl last yr!

2008-03-02T18:57:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FUNG!
today you can sorta be queen. hehe (:
thank you t&f, i had a really good laugh. especially at the stupid calendar. now i feel so sorry for the faces we exploited. haha it aint easy being a celebrity or poster ahma. you never know what people might do to your beautiful face.

2008-02-20T22:16:00.000+08:00

Very eventful day today. Time passed seemingly faster coz I spent more time traveling from place to place. Compared to every other monotonous day where I could spend 6 hrs straight in the shop listening to the ticking of the second hand drone pass, today has been a flash of a lightning.

I had a mini tour around sentosa. First to my future home at siloso, then to IOS and then to the sentosa office. I guess all the routes we took were relatively new to me. And so were the things we came across, as could be deciphered from my exclamations at the slightest gimmicks, such as the snake charmer (who has been there forever), and the wail of a peacock. I was fascinated by the new sights while jasmine was fascinated by my ignorant reactions. Haha but it was fun. Sentosa is actually quite a lot more than just the 3 beaches. (:

Later in the day I mustered more courage than I had ever shown for the past 18 years of my life, and murdered a bloody hornet’s nest of worms. What an apt reminiscent of my dear friends in ubin. I’m sorry but it was really f-word worthy. The sight was simply too revolting and hard to bear. Imagine 4 or 5 bright green worms falling out sprawled on the ground of your shop as you break open the mud-cemented hive the size of your thumb. And as you aim your insecticide spray at the most hideous looking creature on earth, it writhes and contorts in pain as though involving itself in an act to gain your pity. I felt the pain but my compassion for corporal death sentences clearly showed no extension to whatsoever. Minutes after its death we decided to sweep it into the sand for a proper burial. But as much as we wanted to preserve the perfection of its corpse, its fragile body could not take the sweep of my broom, which was performed under much mental stress and panic, and hence it tore apart and green slime started oozing out.

Yes, the actual gore and horror stopped there. But like watching a horror movie, the terror actually comes in the aftermath where the sights keep haunting you. And now I’m being haunted like I’ve just completed a serial on ‘The Exorcism of the Emerald Worm’.

2008-02-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

So I’ll be working at siloso from next week onwards…

I think I am quite sad. In fact, my reaction was so dramatized I went soft, like butter left out in the sun, when meiling told me the ‘good news’ about my transfer. I think it’s probably just another one of my reluctance and childishness to accept changes. But then again, I think I attribute that partly to my lack of sense of security ever since I left school.

I taught in rv for 2 weeks. And just when I was getting used to the little desk, noisy arts department, dying fishes and rowdy students, I had to bid goodbye. And now that I’ve started to get friendly with the people at palawan, I have to leave, again. Getting acquainted with many isn’t a bad thing. But leaving a freshly sprouting friendship unsheltered is dangerous and hurting. It’s like being surrounded by an amorphous crowd of familiar faces smiling back at you; the feeling is so endearing yet impersonal.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe if I can forget all the past, I would stop comparing and start loving what I have. It’s all psychological.

Oh and I think my brain has kind of degenerated recently. The abundance of free time I get at hut 7 has left me spoilt for choice about what to think about. So much so that I slip into ‘stoneage’ too easily. The more time I spend there, the more likely I’ll turn into an introvert. Maybe even autistic. Because the only conversations I make are with my own thoughts, except for the rare small chats I have with the guests (which are often brainless or autopilot). The scenery may be breathtaking, but the sea keeps drawing my soul away. I’m worried that one day I may walk into it unknowingly and disappear. (don’t worry I’m not feeling suicidal)

Sigh…

2008-02-16T01:08:00.002+08:00

i think there's an air of maturity around the people who have started working or interacting with society at its truest form. its quite tiring staging a masquerade 5 out of 7 days in a week. now the weekend's here, i can finally cut myself some slack for a while.

2008-01-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

singapore is seriously minute. either tt or i'm just superrr lucky. imagine having 5 gatherings clash in one day and still get to randomly meet people you've lost contact with since your pri. sch days on the streets. anw i had a major reunion with people who have walked in and out of the past 18 yrs of my life.

on friday during my job orientation, i met the sister of my pri.2 gd fren. someone who has disappeared from my life for 10 years, but still vividly alive in my memories.

sat, i had my sec 2 clique gathering. during which i met my sec 4 clzmate and a fellow ny schmate.

after tt i attended the aep gathering, where we finally caught up with dear lyly! haha. she hasn't changed much. except for the dyed hair kw calls 'beautiful'. hahaha. man..i hadn't expect the aep class to be so active. we seem to have had quite a few gatherings alr, in a short span of 2 weeks. keeps me in touch with the art world. i like tt. haha. oh and dear shum brought her gang of ny aep-ers along! so i got to see karen chen, eileen and meisan! =D

oh yes! and while we were scouting for a cosy location for catching up, i met mrs seah! my fav. tchr in pri sch!!! even though she didn't recognize me, it was a humongous pleasant surprise coz i never thought i'd get to see her again since the last time i visited her in sec 3. and she's still as youthful n charismatic ^^

supposed to have a13 n 411 gathering after tt. but i went for oac gahtering. haha yea and the guys dun really look very different. except mabbe for a few. haha it was interesting listenin to all the ns stories. but i crave to do something ezoac together soon! like cycling in ubin or playing ultimate at the beach. especially now when i'm working in sentosa, i keep getting reminded of the times we spent there every time i pass the places we once left a mark.

a very tranquil beach. but i'm surrounded by the waves tt keep jerking my memories.

a toast to the sea!

2008-01-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

i dislike the feeling of laying on the bed with eyes wide opened and staring at the ceiling. it makes me feel even more alone than i already am, isolated in a room with one empty bed. and my eyes start scanning the room, then when i see the photos at the side of my bed, i start thinking about things. and i start feeling emo. =X

i miss 06 n 07!

2008-01-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

sentosa...my new home in the weeks to come. (:

2008-01-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

two days before i become officially unemployed, i realise that the laptop i've been staring at for the past week and 3 days is a tablet pc. i hyperventilate and go crazy.

2008-01-18T10:41:00.001+08:00

thursdays and fridays are my happy days! =D

i think you really derive a lot of satisfaction when you see your students responding to what you've painstakingly tried to convey. and i can't think of any other job (at the moment) that presents you with such interesting situations to deal with every day.

i realised routine lifestyle has become ingrained in my life. no matter how much i wish to experience diversities once in a while, routines are still much sought after especially when your brain is so drained of ideas of what to do the next day. you can get sick of freedom sometimes. but even in routines, there can be little surprises that jolts your mundane day. i like such surprises (:

classes, like all things in life, have polars. some can be so agonizing and devillish you wish to chain them up and hang them on the rooftop (ok bad example); but those hair-tearing situations are only there to make heartwarming moments even more diabetic.

i guess these past 2 weeks of relief teaching has expanded my vision a little. i'm even reconsidering if i should reconsider teaching as a career. haha. it isn't that bad and teaching isn't such a boring job afterall. but then again, its only been 2 weeks, too short to tell.

its dumb how i just realised how invincible time is. it's the only thing in this world that can't be stopped.

distance has tamed my heart.

2008-01-16T07:15:00.000+08:00

i love catching up with friends! (:
happy birthday yingxu! (:

2008-01-13T22:50:00.001+08:00

i have effectively done nothing work-related over the entire weekend. in fact, other than sleeping, eating, being a couch potato, meeting up with my frens and laughing as hongwei got his hair chopped off, i did nothing else constructive.

yayy one more week of teaching! actually i wouldn't mind staying longer since i get paid and the hrs are comparatively short. but just to comfort myself, YAYY one more week of agony! =D

2008-01-10T17:13:00.000+08:00

Great sense of achievement today! =D maybe it does get better with experience. Or maybe it was the people involved. Whichever, I’m glad to have gotten the attention and co-operation of the classes today. =) It’s a wonderful feeling when you see them not frowning at you but enjoying themselves. At least I think they did. And I did too. ^^

Painting together with the sec 4s today made me feel like a student again. Back in the artroom in ny, crazy-ing away with the GAP pple; talking back to mrs teo and getting hit on the head by her or trying to squirm out of a sudden embrace by her, which often makes us end up feeling violated; climbing over the gate at night, earning the gazes of appalled passengers on the buses and sightseers at the bustop. Coursework awaits them! This is very exciting! XD

2008-01-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

how exhausting. now i truely believe in paybacks in life. being a teacher really isn't an easy task and somehow we're receiving all the misdeeds we did to our teachers back in our rebellious schooling days. haha.

but then again, i've never come across a stern art teacher because the nature of the subject ostracizes that trait. even if being fierce gets the students to listen to me, the reluctance on their faces would make me feel no point in continuing to share with them what i love most. why is it that i always have to come across such contradictions and dilemmas in art?

its getting frustrating. and i'm very certain i'm not cut out for teaching. but i'll continue to search for that equilibrium. so that i can balance comfortably and nicely to get the best of and give the best to both worlds, and not laze comfortably in the lush of one pasture while ignoring the presence of the sheeps on the other withered land.

2008-01-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

This has been one of the most meaningful countdowns I’ve ever had. Actually countdowns have never meant anything special to me apart from the reality check that school is going to start in a few days time. Or maybe the excitement has gradually worn off over the years as I soon realize that the crossing over to a new year does not change anything at all. What is history will still be there to haunt your memory and paint your future.

The only New Year’s Day that I distinctly remember is when I woke up in the morning to find two MacDonald’s hello kitty sitting on my bedside. Coz my sis had spent a night chilling out on the streets of Orchard after the millennium countdown, got bored, and decided to join the queue.

As far as I remember, this is the first time I spent countdown outside and with friends. The last night of and eventful year and the first morning of a year laid with surprises spent together with ezoac, this must indicate a good start to a new year.

We weren’t among the rowdy crowds to cheer our lungs out as the clock struck 12 (in fact, we didn’t even know when it already did), and we weren’t exactly very high even when the fireworks came popping out of the midnight sky. But the darkened surroundings and calm night breeze made me even more aware of the importance of the people who were there with me.

i don't remember feeling so tired during bike hike. or maybe i haven't been on the road for too long and i've forgotten how it feels like. but i loved the adrenalin rush as i graze past my near-death experiences. haha. no, i don't want to die. i just enjoy the taste of psuedo-freedom as the road gets empty by the hour. you feel like you own the streets. haha. oh and visiting wen and getting her to grasp the gist of biking in mere 15mins was fun!

2007-12-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

can't believe i'm going skating again tmr. ^^

--------------------------------------------------------------

have i said this before? i think having your portrait drawn is a really scary thing coz every bit of your face is being scrutinized. and i get this feeling frm drawing other people. haha. its like being watched but you don't know where your stalker is. haunting.

2007-12-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

yayyy i finally got a new blogskin. did it on impulse actually. i had no idea what to go for but thx to all the reminiscing abt disneyland and hk trip my new blogskin's oh so disney now. haha. but i like it (:

there's so much to be said abt hk trip i don't know where to start from. and again, like most of them, its my first all friends overseas trip. and it felt really different. but strangely, i didn't exactly feel like i was overseas or faraway from home, probably coz i'm with my favourite batchmates all the time. felt very much like home. taking the mtr was like taking the mrt in sg and wandering around hk at night was like getting lost on an urban hike in sg. haha. and so the say, the company was wonderful, the sights were overwhelming and the weather was nice and chilly.

as always, our adventures deviate from the norm. who would almost miss both their flights coz they were too busy shopping and playing stupid games in the arcade; wander around streets in a foreign land at 12 midnight and surprisingly meet up with celebrities; starve the whole day just to maximise their time and every dollar spent in the parks; starve somemore just to photowhore a little more; have dinner at 11pm; do the ezoac cheer on the thrill drop ride and cable car...

all these seemingly negligible details that add up to all the fun we had. i'm so scared of forgetting them. i was dreading the arrival of the last day even before the trip started. but i guess it had to come, and it came and went away. even though i tried to savour every magical moment spent together, there's only so much i can grasp on to. i know its inevitable that every good thing has to come to an end, but i still hate time for flying past so quickly.

think about it, we were really blessed on this trip. i'm still amazed at how the flight we almost missed got miraculously delayed for 2 hrs. like a god-sent gift. and we probably cannot get any greedier and ask for more time. i'm really glad we got on with our plans even though the idea sprouted in the middle of As. acting on impulse is good sometimes.

thx so much for the company and thx shiu for bringing us on this 'magically enchanting journey' (quoting eric). now that we've left our ezoac spirit in hk, i wonder where and whens the nxt time such vigour and excitement will resurface again.

2007-12-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

2007-12-15T14:18:00.001+08:00

2007-11-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

so unprepared yet still floating on fluffy clouds.

2007-11-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

not an artist without an audience.

2007-11-21T10:19:00.000+08:00

ok this is very freaky. i was reading abt guernica when my itunes played the song guernica. ahhhh. better not come out!

2007-11-20T02:20:00.000+08:00

"The more you look at the same exact thing, the more the meaning goes away, and the better and the emptier you feel."

-Prince of Pop

2007-11-18T13:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes taking the wrong turn can be very exciting. because you'll see things you wouldn't have if u had taken the right turn. but then again, who's to say what's right and what's wrong, if you eventually end up in your destination anyway. maybe you just took a longer route and enriched your lives a little more than others.

while i was weaving through the gallery walls today, it dawned upon me whether i shd have planned my route a little more. but if there're really conventions restricting even the route to take in a tiny art gallery, there's no point in visiting the art gallery, because art itself defies traditions. more so an andy warhol exhibition.

so i went to the warhol exhibition today, alone. somehow i like walking through galleries by myself, coz it gives me time to contemplate, without having to worry about catching up with the pace of others. i can linger for as long as i like in front of my favourite piece and skid past works that doesn't seem to call for my attention. of coz it would be another wonderful experience having people to discuss with your overflowing thoughts with. if only i hadn't overslept ytd. =/ but i'm still glad i made my way down today. coz Andy wArhol is Atrociously Amazing.

i have never thought that i would get to see his works at such full blast. and when i did today, he gave me so much inspiration. i think one of my aspirations in life is to witness the masterpieces flooding my aep files. like a word is worth a thousandth picture, its never enough to just read about them, coz visual art is meant to be seen.

hmm something i've been thinking about...
if i lose my memory, will i still be me?

2007-11-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

freedom tastes sweet, even if its only temporary. i can still vividly remember the sense of relief when i handed in my last geog paper. haha i bet peiyu must have felt it much more intensely than me. omg her As are over!!?

i think girls take a lot longer letting reality sink in. its only up till now, when i realise that i can spend the whole night slacking away instead of scrutinizing microscopic words on my notes, that i don't have to set an alarm for tomorrow, that i truly feel the sense of liberation. this morning was just an appetizer. haha. i think i'll be equally calm when my As finally end. maybe more of loss than anything else. haha. maybe thats because girls tend to grab hold on to things at hand more tightly so much so that when they let go, it takes a while before the past fades off completely.

of coz some things never seem to go away.

haha but having said all that, i still think that i'm happy the worst has passed. and i need to remind myself that there're two more papers waiting for me. but i think i'll enjoy the rest of my study vacation soaking in art.

2007-11-14T21:53:00.001+08:00

if i've survived sleepless coursework days and nights, then this would be nothing. my last agonizing night. i'll miss it but i'd prefer the fact that its ending. let this be a beautiful end to the once endless cries of misery. after that i'll send my condolences to the children in Africa.

(edit)

i feel the urge and need to vent it all out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ok that was a rather long silent scream.

(/edit)

2007-11-14T11:36:00.001+08:00

2007-11-11T11:05:00.001+08:00

time creeps...but for some reason, i'm glad.

2007-11-09T17:48:00.000+08:00

i can't wait to strike those numbers down!

2007-11-06T09:27:00.000+08:00

when you're running a marathon, you never say die. its all about mind over matter. so even if you sprain your ankle, you can still inch your way to the finishing line and everyone will cheer for you.

the geog paper was disastrous. i felt like i could fail. but nevertheless, that was the last paper i'm ever gonna sit for. no more volcanoes, no more mudflows, no more cyclones. hmmm think about it, i might actually miss geog. my favourite subject for 6 years. but sigh my departure with it has been so excruciating i have to drill a hole in my skull to pour out all the unahppiness.

back to the marathon. i'm 6 more hurdles away from salvation.

2007-11-04T16:01:00.001+08:00

if there are ways to mitigate mudslides and erupting volcanoes, why is there no one to save my over saturated brain?!? its at critical threshold. and studying about overflowing regolith and ground shaking earthquakes all the time does make you feel like you're on the road to destruction.

2007-10-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

sometimes a simple cup of tea, and telepathy is all you need to make your day. i've been more productive today than any other day. because the company made me cherish time even more. (:

and i do love putting smiles on people's faces, like how they put one on mine. the man on the train, the gorilla in my hse, and my going home partner. hee. its a blessing.

2007-10-25T13:19:00.000+08:00

some things are just not meant to be.

2007-10-18T13:35:00.000+08:00

all that matters (:

2007-10-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

melting in bliss.

though full months are occasions like cny where u see your relatives once in a bluemoon, sit around, offer patronizing smiles and answers to questions that forever revolve around the same few topics regarding your studies; and despite the fact that i ended up hiding in my sis's room mugging, it was wonderful seeing my little neice(: maybe coz she couldn't nag at my ear and all we could do was stare at each other, practising our telepathic skills. it was quite enjoyable. haha and it was fun to watch pple fawn over the little bundle of joy. there was this insurmountable ring of happiness that surrounded anyone who got near trisha. especially the grandparents, who have their ways of coaxing the baby to smile, which i have yet to mastered.

she's such a tiny little darling, and yet she can fill our hearts with so much joy the day starts to burst with confetti. =D

when you grow up, would you still remember the arms you once rested comfortably in, the hands that once fondled you affectionately? for i find myself forgetting that too often. i never knew that the love showered on me had never changed, but now i know. and i think it must be painful for one's love to be unreciprocated.

2007-10-01T17:51:00.000+08:00

i need more courage than i thought i would need. my beautiful dream is just a facade. seemingly beautiful on the outside, but brittle and fragile. how many times have my heart raced worrying abt it? how many times have my heart shattered everytime it breaks? i can't count, and i don't want to think abt it. its too painful.

tmr is the start of another operation. and i hope it'd be the last. i feel so helpless. staring at the debris of my fallen structure through the glass and unable to do anything. and now i'm sitting at home doing nothing. imsuchaloser.

its so hard to cling on to dreams that keep breaking. maybe they're not meant to be.

i don't think i deserve to be an art student. a destructor, perhaps.

2007-09-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

me and my baby.

when its all over, i'm suddenly overwhelmed by emotions. a mixture of happiness that comes from liberation, and sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, together with bouts of nostalgia. the past few weeks have been both nightmarish and a beautiful dream. a nightmare that i had wished so much to wake up from and now while looking back, i wish it had dragged on a little longer. everything's full of ironies, and thats what made it so memorable.

i'm proud to be an aep student. coz this coursework experience is seriously one that no other being could ever empathise with. i like the exclusivity of it. of us being special. though such status comes with more than just sacrifices for our prelims, but our sleep and sanity. haha. but with 16 other people singing looney tunes with you at the same time, and many caring teachers who never fail to get amused by our crazy antics, who are always there for us to exploit (it sounds wrong, but thats what we really do), how can i not love being part of this whole farmily.

the past few weeks have been a whirlpool. so many things were occuring at the same time my days and hours get mixed up. all i remember are long nights i spent cutting styrofoam and laughing my head off watching pow, zhengyou n kw perform their acapella. you know they actually sing and harmonize quite well, but the idiocy of the songs they sing, which comprises of repeating only one word most of the time, can't help but make me feel highly irritated yet amused at the same time. its hard not to give in to laughter. haha. and dear yingshi, who has totally lost herself in the midst of drilling perspex from day to night. we've always known that there's a crazy side to her, but we've never seen that unrestricted side of it. now that we've all got our first-hand account, we know when she needs her tranquilizer. haha. craziness is infectious. at the end of day 1, we were all running around the artroom screaming our lungs out and threatening to eat each other up in lieu of the late dinner that arrived only at 11pm. -.-"

we were so desperate we prayed to lyly for salvation. and zhengyou was the sacrifice. haha.

"every week we come to class and learn to accept each other oddities." -siewching

its the deviation of every individual that makes our class so special and unique. we're all so different and seemingly odd in our own ways (because we think so differently most of the time), but yet we blend so well, like some mixed fruit juice. in times of need, you really discover the sweetness in people. our love for each other touches me a lot. like when we were all struggling to complete the last touches of our coursework before the actual ACTUAL deadline (there's been too many scams), everyone was scuttering around helping each other. even those who were long done with theirs stayed on to help. they could have gone home to their long awaited comforting beds, but still their presence lingered around like the light of hope. thank you so much charm and zhengyou! for coming to me while i was on the verge of tears. for encouraging me to not forgo perfection in art even in times of urgency. and for climbing the ladder even though you were afraid. you never knew how much that meant to me. (:

there're many others to thank for. if i had a credit-roll, here's how it wld go...

MY AEP CLASSMATES for the sheer presence and support
karweng for bothering to rebutt my senseless arguments, for accomodating my messiness and unreasonibilities, for entertaining me, for everything...
sophia for being my moral support and for confiding in me. i'm still amazed at how alike we are.
shumin for being so supportive all the time. and for being such a strong girl - it pushes me to be brave like you!
zhengyou for the late night chats and entertaining songs.

MY DEAR FRIENDS who never once refused my call for help
aaron though you never really got to help me in the end, i'm still grateful for you readily offering your help. they meant much to me (:
fungmin and tracee my flower girls! thank you for the love you sent and the help you've brought. the swing is really beautiful! (:
huijin for doing such a gd job painting my walls. and plz don't feel guilty abt that broken angel anymore. it won't die coz its got a healer like me (:
shiuyuen for being so adventurous and risk dying for art. for always encouraging me. my artwork wouldn't have been the way it is without your help (: and sorry that you got injured again and again. =/
yvonne for being so enthusiastic in helping me out!
eugene, hanyun, lujie, waikuan, wenhui, zongxiao for visiting me at the art gallery that day. that was a pleasant surprise. and your company mattered a lot. (:
o6a13 for responding so readily to my recruitment drive. haha the numbers that turned up was shocking! but touching. thank you guys! (:

MY DEAR AEP TEACHERS who were there for us day and night
ms kee you were our pillar of support and security. without you, our future seemed vague and blur.
mr almeo tan for being so fatherly and for being SO helpful. thank you for helping me get materials and fix the lights even though your back was aching. take care mr tan! (:
mr tan siang yu thank you for believing in me. i wouldn't have done it without your faith in me and my art. (:
mr lee for helping us get food and doing the jobs when we girls need the man. haha. (:
mr kwek for being so enthusiastic in helping me out all the time and providing useful suggestions. i was really touched when u offered to help me cut the styrofoam that day. but i'm glad i decided to do it myself coz ultimately, i want it to be my work.
the T.A. for sharing your passion for art with me. the short chat with you was inspiring.

not going home for 4 days, not bathing for some days...sounds uncannily like YLTC. in fact it is one. a mentally grilling one. everytime after such a camp, you wish you were back there again enduring those psychological torments. haha.

i've grown so used to the artblock these past few days i've become really detached from the world outside. as i stepped out of the artblock towards the class benches for the first time after so long, the sun suddenly felt much brighter and the people around me quite unfamiliar. its like i've just been thrown out of the dungeon back into light again. and i'm stil gradually getting accustomed to the old life again. i don't really want to revert back to the old life, coz it means having to accept reality once more. courework's over and that means no more excuses from lessons. i want to continue my escapade in my dreamland.

2007-09-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

5am this morning when i finally mounted all de steps.

o m g. i can't believe i've finally completed my final. so drained now i can't brg myself to do prep at all. i really want to slp. =( 6 more hrs of agony.

2007-09-25T02:41:00.000+08:00

2:44am

my coursework's looking gd! (: come on junhua..hang on! few more pieces to mount and you'll be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok i shouldn't be rejoicing when its not done yet. hehe but i'm SO excited! =DDDDD

oh and i simply love all my friends! they're such helpful and understanding souls! i feel so blessed. (:

2007-09-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

JUNHUA'S COURSEWORK RECRUITMENT

employees needed urgently! only for a short 3 hrs! job scope is as simple as ABC. no prior artistic talent needed. just a pair of hands thats functioning. basically i need pple to help me hang my sculptures up and to coil some roses arnd the rope.

time: after collection of whatever paper there is tmr.

to apply for the job, just look for junhua tmr either via tapping her on the shoulder politely; calling out her name at short dist; giving her a greeting BOO! frm behind or from front; shouting her name across the class benches or central plaza (not recommended; or whatever creative ways u can think of. if she is nowhere in sight, simply give her a call.

pay is negotiable.

ur kindness would be deeply appreciated (:

2007-09-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

just a peek into the artroom. havent seen the day and night for quite long. the transition doesnt really matter now that my day has been merged into the number of hours left till 0000hrs 250907. its been exhausting and repetitively sickening sometimes, but i have to keep telling myself, "Its all worth it!"

i'm full of admiration for all my aep classmates. we're such unbreakable characters. haha. and our insanity seems to be the driving force behind our sanity.

here's lyly who's been admiring my work for days. haha. i wonder how she ended up in front of my work space. i swear i din put her there myself. i am not that egoistic. (:
this is my 4th home. i've shifted workspace for 4 times now. and this spot is pretty convenient, with immediate access to the internet, music... haha as you can see i have no problem entertaining myself with online videos, which loads 10 times faster in sch compared to my hm coz we have the entire sch server to ourselves. =D
i hope i can stop cutting soon. oh and i din noe that the penknife's blade can be chipped off to get a sharper edge!

my very efficient and talented helpers!!! you're like angels descended frm heaven..haha. really really really thankful for them who readily agreed to help me paint my space on fri (mabbe coz they din noe it'd take so long before we started). and i'm really really sorry for making u two miss all the fun at clementi and having to endure saikang-ing for me right after the prelims =/ but u guys were seriously great! and i mean it. so THANK YOU! =DD

i'll blog abt sentosa later. back to my work for now (:

2007-09-21T12:43:00.000+08:00

on maf-

There are some things in life that are worth sacrifacing for. Those are the things that will make you live life with no regrets. so even if it meant missing a little of my mugging time every tues, lesser sunsets that i would see, it doesn't really matter as long as my heart tells me its ok.

1 mth of suspense and anticipation, we finally rounded up our project atlantis. the smiles on everyone's faces was worth all the extra miles we've gone. the more time we spend tgt, the more i realise how much oac means to me. not just as a cca, but more like a family where trust and faith keeps us moving on.

next time i look back at my jc life. it will not be one thats only dated with the depressing blocks and prelims, but little moments of laughter and heart-warming encouragements admist all the hair-pulling agony. life is so much more than just myself. its about everyone around me.

maf was special becoz of ezoac (:

2007-09-20T11:02:00.000+08:00

for once i don't feel like giving my best. i think i'm just tired. the first thing i'm gonna do whens coursework's done is sleep for an uninterrupted 16hrs. to complete all the dreams i've awoken frm, to piece parts of me back together again. right now i'm just a machine that has been way overworked.

2007-09-19T20:30:00.000+08:00

what if i don't turn up tmr? what can they do to me?

i really don't want to take the test when i have not studied for it.

2007-09-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

wtf. i hate it when pple ASSUME ur capabilities. don't just look on the surface coz even with eyes you can't SEE.

my mood's swinging so badly i don't even know who i am anymore. one minute i can be laughing, and before i know it i feel like crying. i'm freaking me out.

2007-09-17T13:40:00.000+08:00

came across this while searching for images. hahaha its soooo cute! >.<

now that the aircon in the artroom is back. its freakin cold! it says 3 degrees celsius on the control. and it is no wonder my hands are so numb i can't draw anymore. really feels like i'm in some winter country. plus the fact that i'm browsing thru images of ice-cream and snowflakes. brrrrrrrr