Sunday, February 26, 2006
lesson was terrible today.
laoshi has been very lenient with me. maybe he's given up on me. i feel guilty. for not honouring my word to practise hard. seems like i've lost that strive in whatever i do. i can't sustain my urge and i am unable to push myself beyond. i keep decepting myself. 2 changyins a day and i let myself go. urgh. though sometimes unwillingly, but so what if i felt guilty? actions speak louder than words. what i do is just empty talk. i don't even know what i'm blowing. no music, no technique. am i doing it just for the sake of doing it?
i hate myself.
i want to be back in ny where at least i have a space of my own. here, i get distracted too easily.
posted @ 3:00 PM