Saturday, September 30, 2006
disclaimer: i am not insane, just being pensieve.caina n i were recalling how our mp3 and playlists used to be full of co songs, and at least 1/2 of them would be dizi solos or concertos. our all time favourites like qiuxu, lan hua hua and chang hen mian mian never failed to comfort our weeping souls after every disheartening lesson at yls's hse. but now they're all missing. i scrolled through my playlist, not a single co song. maybe like caina said, the sound of a human voice makes us feel less isolated from the crowd. maybe its our obssession with music in the past that made us appear isolated.
i was clearing my room today when i stumbled upon my collection of co cds. i picked up zhangweiliang's cd, but i didn't dare to play it. but it seems that fate has it for me to face the music. the playlist shuffled and suddenly something familiar jolted me, the crisp timbre of a bamboo. its intriguing how the sound coming out from a piece of wood can reach into my heart and make me cry...
is it the familarity? or is it a pang of guilt? or is it simply the music?
it suddenly dawned on me, why we've been keeping out of touch with those songs. we dare not face reality. hearing it makes us feel like we should be practising instead of doing something else.
and yes, i did succumb to my heart's command. i started lianing chang yin. there was this really special feeling, something i've never felt before. i was amazed at my ability to sustain the chang yin. but i know its not because of my skills, coz i've been neglecting them for quite some time. it was the thought that sustained.
caina was right. practising does help us focus more. partly because we know we need to manage our time better, and thus we concentrate better at everything we do. apart from that, practising calms me down.
a tribute to my dizi thats accompanied me since i fell in love with the sound of bamboo. its been with me through my ups and downs, tasted my tears and brought me glory. it never gave up on me even when i did (partly coz it can't walk). but its presence assures me that i'll always have someone to rely on whenever i need it. i know its not just any inanimate object, it has a life and it speaks through my music.
thank you.
posted @ 10:13 PM
Friday, September 29, 2006
i was just wondering...what i could do with geography in the future.
speculating that i'll get stuck in singapore all my life, i think i can probably sit at sentosa and warn people when the tsunami comes. haha. -.-'''
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ok tts evidence of how traumatising the physical geog paper has been. geog-ers have all lost our minds! hahaha..not like we had one in the first place. but i'm really grateful for the company of insane and ever so entertaining geog-ers. i think oli has pretty much summarized the history of the day. haha. so i shall just leave it here.
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i am so excited abt going to concertS with jaime and caina!!! yayy!! i miss them soooooo much! havent spoke to them for so long. havent had lunch with them. havent lianed with them. havent gone hyper with them. havent swooned over shuai percussion and dizi players with them. havent even SEEN them for eons! ahhhh. we need to meet up! i hope my auditory skills have gone away. i want to enjoy the concerts without falling aslp. haha.
and i just remembered!! there's NAC this year! that means we can our rounds of gushing and criticising again! haha. fun fun. (:
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i'm so afraid to touch my dizi again. sigh. after ONE week of mustering my courage and conscience seeking, it's lost in the world of solid pragmatism again. and the viscious cycle continues. there's maf and openhse and trio performance after blocks! i'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
and i still have 3 more lessons to go before i can cease everything. end the misery. hmmmm did i just say i wanna stop lessons?
should i?
should i not?
this has never occurred to be while i was still fanatical about my special piece of bamboo. its hard to make up my mind. i managed to cold-heartedly convince myself not long ago that its the best choice. but think abt it now, i will be damn sad if i won'get to see or talk to lao shi as much. i will miss laoshi terribly!! T_T
man is so fickle-minded. and so easily swayed. but its not entirely a bad thing, coz there's always a chance of setting things right if your decision was wrong in the first place. no one can fully anticipate the future, until it really happens.
posted @ 10:28 PM
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
just when i thought i have started to move on, i realise that i've only been shadowing myself with self-deceit. i wonder if being sentimental is a bad thing? constantly revisiting the same memories for comfort whenever i feel empty. now i see why ger hasn't been able to estrange herself from it, even up till now. haha. well, i hope i'm not the only one experiencing this kind of nostalgia over and over again.on a lighter note, PROMOS ARE HERE!!! =D
yess! this means that the END OF PROMOS is within our reach. 2 weeks! we will survive! =) i think the wait for promos to start is actually harder to bear than the actual promo period itself. coz u noe there is still a chance of rectification and if you don't seize this chance to mug hard, you'll feel terribly guilt-stricken. but when promos finally start, you can always find an excuse like 'what can be done is done.' lol.
i really like a13's positive attitude. haha. talking abt post-promos activities just minutes before the start of the first paper. what optimisim. haha. =)
looking fwd to 4th oct!!!! =)
the only thing i fear is that when promos end and all the activities start again, i'll be trapped in the same dilemma that has been haunting me for the past yr.
posted @ 1:26 AM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
i'm dyingggggggggggggggg.posted @ 3:43 AM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
art theory lessons give me so much inspiration.evidence: i tried cutting magazines and rearranging the graphics. it was fun. but i lost track when america's nxt top model caught my attn.
and now i'm painting at such a weird hr. according to fungg, its 'cool'. hahaha.
i wonder if i was relieving stress cutting those images outta the mags just now, or was i really trying to make something outta nothing. hmmm
and even thou i feel kinda relaxed doing what i like now, i think the paintings suck. ew. i'm disgusted with myself.
posted @ 1:14 AM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
embrace the land!oh how i love King and Willis for their brilliant theories of inselberg development.
how i wish i'd become an inselberg that protrudes from the undulating pediplains and get weathered away slowly. so that i'd be part of the theory and not have to cram my brain with hypothesis about ROCKS and STONES!
its getting too heavy for me. i'm getting shorter!!
posted @ 9:46 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
powered by ODEO
reality can stop haunting me. YES! i'm FINALLY done with my art explorative essay! hahaha. what a great feeling! but actually i think it doesn't feel as great as i would have if i were to pia finish it on the dot at 11:55pm. lol. its inherent in human nature that when things are done too easily, the sense of accomplishment just isn't that great. but who cares la..i'm done with it. =) wheeeeeeee (: and i feel quite satisfied with it. felt like i just went one some trip in pursuit of truths. and i came back with one: SCHOOL'S STARTING TOMORROW!
alright..i shall stop spamming my blog with elation. if not pple like wonka is sure to kill me. right? haha.
to those who are still piaing ur art essay or hist essay, JIAYOU! =)
i suddenly thought of something to do: geog. right.
we were so stoning until we saw this neoprint shop and had the sudden urge to take neoprints. haha. it was super funny..we were scampering about the seats, totally lost. haha. but it was fun(: we should have more sudden cravings. haha. posted @ 6:02 PM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
the BIG group photoAt lao pa sat...
Eugene with his gigantic YELLOW birthday candle.
wad a refreshing shower.
look at that smirk on ys's face.
can u foresee a gang rape happening?-something happened-
and the guys returned victorious. The orbituaries...
mou feeling spiritual.
ahmad looking spastic, as usual.
hey. waikuan's calling YOU a loser. =)
i was asked to look happy. haha.
hanyun looks as if she was compelled to smile. oh well..i think she was. haha.
sadako even before we step into the cemetry. hmmm.
eugene looks elated to die.
after all that preparation for our orbituaries, we didn't end up in hell. we survived. (:
sadako even before we step into the cemetry. hmmm.
eugene looks elated to die.
posted @ 10:52 PM
i know i've blogged many times today! the consequence of staying home the entire day staring at my shitty art explorative essay! oh nooo..i'm getting high and somehow the fatigue's not getting to me yet. but i foresee that it will, as soon as i return to my essay. haha!i must still say...it was WONDERFUL picking up my dizi again! omg! i was soooo addicted to it today i forgot to do work! i love mei hua san nong and xing jie!!!!!! blew almost all the songs i learnt. hahaha. super shuang! and i havent felt like this for damn looooong. i'm superly surprised that my qi is still there! omg. this is like the best thing in the world. hahaha. ok..i think it isn't as good. -duh- but it isn't as bad as i had expected. mabbe wayyy better than wad i thought it'd be. i think the reason i felt so happy playing my flute today was coz i had no pressure. there was no "oh no...yls's gonna kill me if i can't do this shuangtu well." or "oh shucks! yls will DISOWN me!!!" haha. nope..not a single demoralizing thought popped into my head today. it was just me, my dizi and my music. (:
posted @ 10:30 PM
i'm really glad that the maf pub stuff are more or less settled, just left with the execution. thx jiexun, fungg, tracee and ys for the wonderful discussion ytd. if not we wldn't have gotten things done so efficiently! =)anw, here are some of the spastic photos we attempted taking with my bro's laptop. haha. it was quite disastrous, but fun thou. (:
posted @ 10:19 PM
i must say caina n i were pleasantly surprised when we saw this familiar board still lying in the MPH, in ALMOST PERFECT condition. hahah. it was really amusing how we were scanning the room, which we once dui lian-ed in, trying to recover memories of those days, when we suddenly saw something familiar. haha. den we rushed forward, and started laughing at that inanimate object. regardless of what the jnrs thought of us. they were probably wondering those two lunatics were doing in their head quarters. haha lol. the best thing was that we wrote those words on the board. caina wrote the chinese version while i wrote the english version. hahaha.
suddenly everything came flooding back to my mind. i wish i were back there again. (:
posted @ 10:06 PM
Friday, September 08, 2006
powered by ODEO
Fly me to the moon
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words baby kiss me
Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you
posted @ 10:06 PM
i finally plucked up the courage to pick up my dizi again. after contemplating for one month. how foolish of me...to waste that precious one month away, when i could have accomplished so much more. but this lag time only made me realise how easy it is to forget something i had pursued and loved so greatly before. all i needed was one week, to almost completely let go of everything i had once fought hard to keep. why do humans forget so easily? when i tried to find that feeling again, it seems like it has evaporated into thin air. i'm ashamed at how easily i forgive myself.thx caina. for telling me that its not too late.
i picked up my dizi again tonight. and it felt great. i'll hold on to it, as long as there's a little flame burning in my heart.
posted @ 7:24 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
something zhengyou said triggered off some thoughts in me. what is a masterpiece to an artist? HIS work? or SOCIETY's ornament? apart from paid artists, who else paints beautifully for the society to appreciate? maybe there really are people like these, but in this case, is it still a work which truely expresses what they feel?i think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being persistent about one's own work. even when working in a group. only thing is you'll have to give others a chance to voice out. and then a discussion in peace is held. compensations have to be made, but in any case, there is still nothing wrong about being insistent on one's own ideas. it only shows how passionate and serious you are about your own work.
just after zhengyou spoke to me, i found myself defending for my own masterpiece.
posted @ 11:27 PM
i'm really getting more and more baffled by some things and people. maybe coz i'm just outta their league. but somethings are better unsaid? i think showing it too much sometimes portrays an image of superficiality. i have always shown respect for them, but they got worse. my tolerance level is almost reaching the critical limit. one day i may just wake up realising that i do not know them at all. i must admit that there's a barrier between us, even though we may appear to be very close. it all comes back to the point about superficiality. what appears to others may not be what it really is. who knows what goes on behind those plastered smiles and laughter, hugs and pats on the shoulder. nobody. nobody knows what evil thoughts tt chunk of 'thing' enclosed within ur skull is gernerating right at this moment. hm...scary.
ok..i digressed a little. but point is, i think i'm becoming more and more superficial, when i'm with them. like an automated robot that responses as programmed. and i don't like it. the more we hang out, the stronger the feeling gets. like i'm deluding myself into accepting what i don't really agree with. sometimes i'm just faking. i know it. but why don't i say it?
overdosage of it really makes me sick.
and you don't even practise what you preach.
posted @ 10:50 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
had a wonderful date with mrs teo and zhangwei today. at katong, eating katong laksa! and many many other food. o.O hahaha..we felt so gluttony..but when 3 'girls' are out on a carefree friday afternoon in some quite ulu place, with great ambience though, no one can imagine what they'll be up to. (:it was one of the craziest days i've had this yr. especially since it was spent with people i missed dearly. haha. i miss mrs teo!! she's still so young at heart and ever so humorous. never fail to bright up our day, even though she's good at summoning a thunderstorm to drown all ur smiles too. haha. but that seldom happens, coz we're such nice students. =/ it was supposed to be a student-treat-teacher day, but turned out mrs teo spent the MOST. haha. the wonders of being rich. i so envy the nanyang teachers. but maybe they aren't blessed with the best students to deal with. =/
initially, we had only planned to eat laksa, catch up a little, and then head off home. but we ended up spending an entire afternoon strolling down the entire katong street, window shopping, splurging, munching on impulse. and it turned out to be like a National Education Tour, those that you had to take part in pri sch. o.O we were exploring the deeply entrenched peranakan culture of singapore. there was a time when we spent more than 30 mins in this peranakan culture house, excavating everything we could and wanted to know about intricate culture. haha. sounds like some research excursion for coursework. but i seem to had gotten some inspiration from there. =)
-cont later-
posted @ 10:00 PM