Saturday, September 29, 2007
me and my baby.
when its all over, i'm suddenly overwhelmed by emotions. a mixture of happiness that comes from liberation, and sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, together with bouts of nostalgia. the past few weeks have been both nightmarish and a beautiful dream. a nightmare that i had wished so much to wake up from and now while looking back, i wish it had dragged on a little longer. everything's full of ironies, and thats what made it so memorable.
i'm proud to be an aep student. coz this coursework experience is seriously one that no other being could ever empathise with. i like the exclusivity of it. of us being special. though such status comes with more than just sacrifices for our prelims, but our sleep and sanity. haha. but with 16 other people singing looney tunes with you at the same time, and many caring teachers who never fail to get amused by our crazy antics, who are always there for us to exploit (it sounds wrong, but thats what we really do), how can i not love being part of this whole farmily.
the past few weeks have been a whirlpool. so many things were occuring at the same time my days and hours get mixed up. all i remember are long nights i spent cutting styrofoam and laughing my head off watching pow, zhengyou n kw perform their acapella. you know they actually sing and harmonize quite well, but the idiocy of the songs they sing, which comprises of repeating only one word most of the time, can't help but make me feel highly irritated yet amused at the same time. its hard not to give in to laughter. haha. and dear yingshi, who has totally lost herself in the midst of drilling perspex from day to night. we've always known that there's a crazy side to her, but we've never seen that unrestricted side of it. now that we've all got our first-hand account, we know when she needs her tranquilizer. haha. craziness is infectious. at the end of day 1, we were all running around the artroom screaming our lungs out and threatening to eat each other up in lieu of the late dinner that arrived only at 11pm. -.-"
we were so desperate we prayed to lyly for salvation. and zhengyou was the sacrifice. haha."every week we come to class and learn to accept each other oddities." -siewching
its the deviation of every individual that makes our class so special and unique. we're all so different and seemingly odd in our own ways (because we think so differently most of the time), but yet we blend so well, like some mixed fruit juice. in times of need, you really discover the sweetness in people. our love for each other touches me a lot. like when we were all struggling to complete the last touches of our coursework before the actual ACTUAL deadline (there's been too many scams), everyone was scuttering around helping each other. even those who were long done with theirs stayed on to help. they could have gone home to their long awaited comforting beds, but still their presence lingered around like the light of hope. thank you so much charm and zhengyou! for coming to me while i was on the verge of tears. for encouraging me to not forgo perfection in art even in times of urgency. and for climbing the ladder even though you were afraid. you never knew how much that meant to me. (:
there're many others to thank for. if i had a credit-roll, here's how it wld go...
MY AEP CLASSMATES for the sheer presence and support
karweng for bothering to rebutt my senseless arguments, for accomodating my messiness and unreasonibilities, for entertaining me, for everything...
sophia for being my moral support and for confiding in me. i'm still amazed at how alike we are.
shumin for being so supportive all the time. and for being such a strong girl - it pushes me to be brave like you!
zhengyou for the late night chats and entertaining songs.
MY DEAR FRIENDS who never once refused my call for help
aaron though you never really got to help me in the end, i'm still grateful for you readily offering your help. they meant much to me (:
fungmin and tracee
my flower girls! thank you for the love you sent and the help you've brought. the swing is really beautiful! (:huijin for doing such a gd job painting my walls. and plz don't feel guilty abt that broken angel anymore. it won't die coz its got a healer like me (:
shiuyuen
for being so adventurous and risk dying for art. for always encouraging me. my artwork wouldn't have been the way it is without your help (: and sorry that you got injured again and again. =/yvonne
for being so enthusiastic in helping me out!eugene, hanyun, lujie, waikuan, wenhui, zongxiao for visiting me at the art gallery that day. that was a pleasant surprise. and your company mattered a lot. (:
o6a13 for responding so readily to my recruitment drive. haha the numbers that turned up was shocking! but touching. thank you guys! (:
MY DEAR AEP TEACHERS who were there for us day and night
ms kee you were our pillar of support and security. without you, our future seemed vague and blur.
mr almeo tan for being so fatherly and for being SO helpful. thank you for helping me get materials and fix the lights even though your back was aching. take care mr tan! (:
mr tan siang yu thank you for believing in me. i wouldn't have done it without your faith in me and my art. (:
mr lee for helping us get food and doing the jobs when we girls need the man. haha. (:
mr kwek for being so enthusiastic in helping me out all the time and providing useful suggestions. i was really touched when u offered to help me cut the styrofoam that day. but i'm glad i decided to do it myself coz ultimately, i want it to be my work.
the T.A. for sharing your passion for art with me. the short chat with you was inspiring.
not going home for 4 days, not bathing for some days...sounds uncannily like YLTC. in fact it is one. a mentally grilling one. everytime after such a camp, you wish you were back there again enduring those psychological torments. haha.
i've grown so used to the artblock these past few days i've become really detached from the world outside. as i stepped out of the artblock towards the class benches for the first time after so long, the sun suddenly felt much brighter and the people around me quite unfamiliar. its like i've just been thrown out of the dungeon back into light again. and i'm stil gradually getting accustomed to the old life again. i don't really want to revert back to the old life, coz it means having to accept reality once more. courework's over and that means no more excuses from lessons. i want to continue my escapade in my dreamland.
posted @ 12:15 AM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
5am this morning when i finally mounted all de steps.
o m g. i can't believe i've finally completed my final. so drained now i can't brg myself to do prep at all. i really want to slp. =( 6 more hrs of agony.
posted @ 10:24 PM
2:44ammy coursework's looking gd! (: come on junhua..hang on! few more pieces to mount and you'll be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok i shouldn't be rejoicing when its not done yet. hehe but i'm SO excited! =DDDDD
oh and i simply love all my friends! they're such helpful and understanding souls! i feel so blessed. (:
posted @ 2:41 AM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
JUNHUA'S COURSEWORK RECRUITMENTemployees needed urgently! only for a short 3 hrs! job scope is as simple as ABC. no prior artistic talent needed. just a pair of hands thats functioning. basically i need pple to help me hang my sculptures up and to coil some roses arnd the rope.
time: after collection of whatever paper there is tmr.
to apply for the job, just look for junhua tmr either via tapping her on the shoulder politely; calling out her name at short dist; giving her a greeting BOO! frm behind or from front; shouting her name across the class benches or central plaza (not recommended; or whatever creative ways u can think of. if she is nowhere in sight, simply give her a call.
pay is negotiable.
ur kindness would be deeply appreciated (:
posted @ 9:32 PM
just a peek into the artroom. havent seen the day and night for quite long. the transition doesnt really matter now that my day has been merged into the number of hours left till 0000hrs 250907. its been exhausting and repetitively sickening sometimes, but i have to keep telling myself, "Its all worth it!"i'm full of admiration for all my aep classmates. we're such unbreakable characters. haha. and our insanity seems to be the driving force behind our sanity.
here's lyly who's been admiring my work for days. haha. i wonder how she ended up in front of my work space. i swear i din put her there myself. i am not that egoistic. (:
this is my 4th home. i've shifted workspace for 4 times now. and this spot is pretty convenient, with immediate access to the internet, music... haha as you can see i have no problem entertaining myself with online videos, which loads 10 times faster in sch compared to my hm coz we have the entire sch server to ourselves. =D
i hope i can stop cutting soon. oh and i din noe that the penknife's blade can be chipped off to get a sharper edge!
my very efficient and talented helpers!!! you're like angels descended frm heaven..haha. really really really thankful for them who readily agreed to help me paint my space on fri (mabbe coz they din noe it'd take so long before we started). and i'm really really sorry for making u two miss all the fun at clementi and having to endure saikang-ing for me right after the prelims =/ but u guys were seriously great! and i mean it. so THANK YOU! =DD i'll blog abt sentosa later. back to my work for now (:
posted @ 11:11 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007
on maf-There are some things in life that are worth sacrifacing for. Those are the things that will make you live life with no regrets. so even if it meant missing a little of my mugging time every tues, lesser sunsets that i would see, it doesn't really matter as long as my heart tells me its ok.
1 mth of suspense and anticipation, we finally rounded up our project atlantis. the smiles on everyone's faces was worth all the extra miles we've gone. the more time we spend tgt, the more i realise how much oac means to me. not just as a cca, but more like a family where trust and faith keeps us moving on.
next time i look back at my jc life. it will not be one thats only dated with the depressing blocks and prelims, but little moments of laughter and heart-warming encouragements admist all the hair-pulling agony. life is so much more than just myself. its about everyone around me.
maf was special becoz of ezoac (:
posted @ 12:43 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
for once i don't feel like giving my best. i think i'm just tired. the first thing i'm gonna do whens coursework's done is sleep for an uninterrupted 16hrs. to complete all the dreams i've awoken frm, to piece parts of me back together again. right now i'm just a machine that has been way overworked.posted @ 11:02 AM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
what if i don't turn up tmr? what can they do to me?i really don't want to take the test when i have not studied for it.
posted @ 8:30 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
wtf. i hate it when pple ASSUME ur capabilities. don't just look on the surface coz even with eyes you can't SEE.my mood's swinging so badly i don't even know who i am anymore. one minute i can be laughing, and before i know it i feel like crying. i'm freaking me out.
posted @ 6:52 PM
Monday, September 17, 2007
came across this while searching for images. hahaha its soooo cute! >.<
now that the aircon in the artroom is back. its freakin cold! it says 3 degrees celsius on the control. and it is no wonder my hands are so numb i can't draw anymore. really feels like i'm in some winter country. plus the fact that i'm browsing thru images of ice-cream and snowflakes. brrrrrrrr
posted @ 1:40 PM
i think i yawn at least 10 times per min. which makes it 1yawn/6sec. and it doesnt help that the artroom aircon goes on and off at this timely hour, when our stomachs are growling and the aftn heat calls for sleep. plus my styrofoam cutting exercise is making the air in the room more health hazardous. haha.sleepover from fri to sun and mon to tues. here comes the final lap of the never ending marathon. how will it end? i'm not sure. but i know for sure that by tues it'd all be OVER. yes...we would be FINISHED.
...
posted @ 12:21 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
i'm like a convergent fault plane. there're so many emotions pushing against each other within me, each wanting to override the other. When too much stress builds up, i need to break free. and yesterday was like an earthquake of magnitude 7.5 with a volcanic eruption that lasted for quite some time. the magma must have accumulated for really long coz it just won't stop flowing. but lucky there were little casualties coz the volcano isolated itself most of the time.crying does help ease the tension. now my vent is empty i can start to fill it with the love people have showered on me. i'm really really thankful for all that they've done. especially TF. thank you for making the very ordinary 14th sep such a special day for me.
to quote someone: friendship is the best present (:
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i'm sorry neighbour, and zy for demoralising u with my tears ytd. but thank you so much for trying to cheer me up. haha.
posted @ 12:01 PM
Friday, September 14, 2007
i can't finish my coursework!!!! i can't i can't I CAN'T!i suck i suck I SUCK!!!!!!!
i duno why i can't do anything right today. since the morning.up till now. i've never done anything right. every cut i make on the styrofoam is like cutting myself. i might as well cut myself. maybe it'll be more constructive than destroying styrofoam and polluting the earth.
i'm useless.
posted @ 3:19 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
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isn't she adorable? (:
posted @ 9:06 AM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
the first time i neglected geog and it had to be prelims. haha i was so amused by myself..trying to cram 2 yrs worth of physical geog in less than 12 hrs. how adventurous. and its even more appalling that i was more amused than worried about the paper. i guess that will be the first and last time i try something so daring. and thank goodness i studied the right topics. luck won't shine on me all the time. so i better count my blessings this time and do something substantial for the rest of the papers. haha.posted @ 6:19 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
MY NIECE IS OUT! (:and i can't stop smiling like an idiot. hahaha.
posted @ 10:36 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
i just realised...that while i'm simultaneously trying to mug for my prelims and piaing to finish up my coursework, i'm working hard for both something in the near future, and something that is already the ultimate final. oh man..the coursework is IT. its the 'A's!this revelation has come a little late. but better late than never.
kenny and vonne look sweet here.i've yet to thank my dear models who've willingly posed for my photoshoots, without a single complain abt the (sometimes) awkward poses they had to strike. haha. so thank you dear vonne and kenny, and shijia and peiyu. whom i think wld rather their photos be kept secret (:
i like this photo a lot. and i must acknowledge yvonne for her professionalism. haha. 
don't you think the skies' always amazing. every minute's a different scene. thank you for the wonderful inspiration you've given me all these while. (:25-6=19 more days!
posted @ 10:39 PM
my little neice is due nxt week!!!! hahaha how time flies. i still vividly rmb the geog lecture when i first received the msg frm my sis telling me that i have a little neice! and i got so elated i couldn't stop bouncing on my seat and sharing the news with the people around me. haha. 9 mths have passed since then. doesn't seem like a long time to me. i wonder how the 9 mths have been to my sis. most parents wld say that it is a grueling process...having to walk around with a ballooning stomach and endure the jolts of pain from the baby's kicks. hm...but somehow i think it entails more than just suffering. maybe a little of bliss and excitedness anticipating the arrival of the baby. maybe sometimes such happiness overrides all the pain that you're going through, turning the baby's kicks into punches of ecstasy that injects life into the mundane seven days a week. at least thats most of what i hear from my sis. in fact i havent really heard her complain abt the troubles of being pregnant. everytime we talk about trisha, she's so full of smiles and seemingly engulfed by a dome of love. maybe thats motherly love.
watching a life grow literally inside you, feeding on not just your nutrients, but your emotions, its no wonder how mothers feel so attached to their child, even after they've grown up and establish a life on their own. of course extreme possessiveness sometimes result in over-protection, and eventually suffocating the child. but i guess all mothers start out on goodwill. a mother's love for her child is so abstract, i guess no one can fully understand until she becomes a mother herself.
i can't imagine that the next time i meet trisha, she'll already be out of her mother's womb. i wonder how she looks like... haha. (:
posted @ 1:43 PM
Saturday, September 01, 2007
if it takes just one concert to rekindle my love for the dizi, does it mean(a) the concert was inspiring
(b) my passion for dizi is still strong and undying
(c) i miss lao shi A LOT
(d) i miss my dizi trio
(e) i'm fickle-minded
(f) life's been too boring lately
(g) i need to find peace and solace in the bamboo forest
(h) i'm guilt-stricken for abandoning my dizis
(i) ...
ok this question is actually pointless and the list answers will be never-ending. but it feels great forcing myself to 'face the music' that i've been avoiding for so long. at least now i know i've not entirely forsaken something i've spent the previous half of my life (up till now) cultivating.
i'm really glad i went for the concert. partly coz the concert was quite good, especially the fusion pieces, but more imptly, because of the inpiration and motivation it had given me. all of a sudden i felt obliged to return to lao shi's little studio and feel happy receiving his scoldings once again. happy because i know he means well and he cares. and even happier when i get his compliments, because they NEVER come easy. i was so glad he still remembers me when i called him that day. might not mean much to him, but it made my day. haha.
i really miss listening to lao shi play and watching him perform. he exudes this seh-ness that throws people off their seats. hahaha. XD (i'm sure caina and jaime wld agree with me) and even when he's not playing he radiates this charisma in his style of sloppiness that makes me hold him in high esteem. ok so much for swooning. pt is i really miss hearing good music live. its really enjoyable watching people perform on stage, especially those with an aura around them that overwhelms the audience. sometimes i enjoy the silence and little pauses in between the notes more than instances when the notes are played coz the silence allows what i just heard to fill up the emptiness around me and in me. and i think its harder to fill up the space with silence as grand as an orchestra than to fill it up with noise, isn't it?
9 yrs in co and i've been to quite a number of concerts. i realised that i cld classify them into 3 types.
1) A concert that ends on a high note, leaving me on an adrenaline rush. these are usually school concerts where you get rowdy groups of supporters shouting 'encore!' and random names of the performers. of coz the pre-requisite for this high level of energy to infect me is that the music must be good and worth listening to. sometimes i do get highly irritated by disturbances from the audience.
2) A concert that leaves me in a tranquil, pensive state. sometimes you don't need flamboyant loud drums or fluttering fingers running all over your instrument to impress the audience. in fact, being able to brainwash the audience with your soulful music and leave them in a trance is something even more remarkable. i still remember this particular concert that i went to sometime back where one sustained note on the flute was left resonating in my head for days. it was simply too beautiful. too intoxicating. my point of epiphany. the nxt time i remembered something so awe-inspiring was the last note of xingkong nyco played on 210405 (:
3) A lousy concert that spoils my day. once that you can't wait for it to end. sometimes the audience play a part as well.
its seldom that you come across a great concert that will leave an impact in your life, but its rewarding when you encounter something so priceless.
the past is something you should let go, but not something you have to forget.
posted @ 11:24 PM