Tuesday, February 19, 2008
So I’ll be working at siloso from next week onwards…
I think I am quite sad. In fact, my reaction was so dramatized I went soft, like butter left out in the sun, when meiling told me the ‘good news’ about my transfer. I think it’s probably just another one of my reluctance and childishness to accept changes. But then again, I think I attribute that partly to my lack of sense of security ever since I left school.
I taught in rv for 2 weeks. And just when I was getting used to the little desk, noisy arts department, dying fishes and rowdy students, I had to bid goodbye. And now that I’ve started to get friendly with the people at palawan, I have to leave, again. Getting acquainted with many isn’t a bad thing. But leaving a freshly sprouting friendship unsheltered is dangerous and hurting. It’s like being surrounded by an amorphous crowd of familiar faces smiling back at you; the feeling is so endearing yet impersonal.
Maybe I think too much. Maybe if I can forget all the past, I would stop comparing and start loving what I have. It’s all psychological.
Oh and I think my brain has kind of degenerated recently. The abundance of free time I get at hut 7 has left me spoilt for choice about what to think about. So much so that I slip into ‘stoneage’ too easily. The more time I spend there, the more likely I’ll turn into an introvert. Maybe even autistic. Because the only conversations I make are with my own thoughts, except for the rare small chats I have with the guests (which are often brainless or autopilot). The scenery may be breathtaking, but the sea keeps drawing my soul away. I’m worried that one day I may walk into it unknowingly and disappear. (don’t worry I’m not feeling suicidal)
Sigh…
posted @ 11:50 PM